Have you seen the movie “FearDotCom.Com”? If you haven’t you should. Tell them Brandon sent you. There’s this scene in FearDotCom.Com, near the end of the movie, where the main heroine heads underground into some sort of water filled tunnel to find some floating dead body or something. I don’t remember exact details mostly because I’ve blocked almost the entire movie from my memory. Anyway, what I DO remember thinking at this point in the movie was that I wanted to find Stephen Dorff and kick his teeth in.
Do you know the scene? There’s a similar one in “Cold Creek Manor,” in case you’re interested. In fact, that same scene is in “Almost Famous” for my mom. I would guess that by about the time Stillwater sells Penny Lane for $50 and a case of Heineken my mom wants to find Stephen Dorff and kick his teeth in.
I’m pretty sure you all know the scene I’m talking about, even if it is a completely different movie for you. Its that scene near the end when you just can’t wait for it to be over but the writer or director or cruel, sadistic warlord of pain in charge of the movie’s flow decides to throw one more obnoxious plot point in for you to hurdle. I have officially reached that scene in my employment at the Avalon Cinema.
Today Chris came in all upset about a high school student in town who had died in a car accident and who she only had an incidental relationship with. Then, when she had milked that she went on to talk about her son and how she bought him a new used car this afternoon because his was starting to run at a less than desirable level. Then she moved on to how her daughter is graduating in May and continuing to live at home while going to grad school and (for about the 8 millionth time) she said she should go look for a husband in the engineering department.
While I sincerely hope her daughter is able to trap someone before they meet her sickly twisted family, I sincerely don’t want to hear about it. Here’s a the kind of personal conversation I had this weekend that made Chris’s tard-tard-tardedness even more annoying: one conversation about a friend who had a miscarriage on her first baby; one conversation about a person who has no idea what they want to do with their life but is at the same time worried that his life might pass him by; a conversation about my future and what I might want to do with it if I can’t find a job; answering the question of what you might think it would be like to lose a close friend or family member and how I’m afraid of that very thing and afraid that I have become hardened enough that I wouldn’t react; the question of where to draw the line between God’s will and missing the point of God’s will. Not that these are overly deep, but they certainly hold a little more water than “snagging an engineer.”
Everything is always so over the top with her it just makes me want to set myself on fire. At the very least I want to find Stephen Dorff and kick his teeth in.
Posted by Brandon O at March 12, 2005 11:46 PMI have a solution to make Chris stop talking to you - try hitting on her, eh? Just casually ask her to rub bodies and she'll never speak to you again - guaranteed.
Or I'll whack her for $50 - your call
Too bad about whats-her-face that I never knew that did something retarded to get killed....... oh wait - that's not sensitive enough is it...
Posted by: tdawg at March 13, 2005 11:21 AMCheer up - Season One of "Pete and Pete" hits DVD in May, same day as Season One of "CLarissa Explains it all". Nickelodeon says if those sell well next on deck is "Hey Dude".
Posted by: Dave at March 13, 2005 11:35 PMYES!!!! My life has meaning!
Posted by: brandon o at March 14, 2005 7:51 AMYou remember that scene in the movie when someone incidentally dies and everyone seems to care that never really had any affiliation with the deceased whatsoever?
Oh...
2 points if you can name the dude that always climbed the ladder to Clarissa's window
Posted by: thomas at March 14, 2005 9:15 AMSAM! His name is Sam...everyone knows that!
Also, never reference "fear.com" again...that's the scariest part of the movie, is that someone else besides Jaime and i saw it.
Posted by: Brini at March 14, 2005 9:40 AMSpeaking of Clarissa and Pete and Pete, I'm sure that most of you already know about this, but I've spent the last hour trying to stump the guess the Dictator or Sitcoma character game. They caught every curveball I threw at them including harvey Birdman, Hesh, Sam from Clarissa and Artie, the strongest man in the world. That's both amazing and sad at the same time.
http://www.smalltime.com/dictator.html
Posted by: brandon o at March 14, 2005 10:22 AMThat website rocks. Can't stump it
Have you heard of the group Feeder? I recently got 'into' them and decided they're quite good...
Posted by: thomas at March 14, 2005 11:14 AMOMG. On ebay I can get all 91 episodes of "Are you afraid of the Dark?" on bootleg DVD for $40-50. That's over 33 hours. That includes the two season revival from 2000-2001.
Stop me. Stop me. Even though it's analogous to rebuying every issue of "Goosebumps" I don't think I can resist this much fun.
Posted by: Dave at March 14, 2005 11:44 AMAlright Thomas, try to stay on topic here. I run a tight ship blog. And as for AYAOTD (as all the kids these days are calling it), that IS a really tempting offer. If I wasn't considering buying all the above listed Nickelodeon DVD sets I would chastize you. But my advice is this: bootleg DVDs? is that safe? You don't want to get AIDS or some other computer virus.
Posted by: brandon o at March 14, 2005 2:17 PMoh yeah, I stumped it with Louie from Tale Spin. But it got StrongSad, and that isn't even a sitcom.
Posted by: brandon o at March 14, 2005 2:18 PMWasn't this email originally about some dead chick and how she haunts you through Chris?
Thought so..... and I'm sorry
Still think that Feeder is a good group, even if it's off topic..... at least it's not HOT TOPIC
BAM
Posted by: thomas at March 14, 2005 3:36 PMThere are some other Nickelodian shows I want to pick up too. Pete and Pete's obviously a must, but I remember this really awesome cartoon that was just adaptations of Grimm's fairy tales, and one was about this soldier who made a bet with a deamon involving a bearskin. I don't think it made near as much an impression on me as other shows I wasted my childhood watching, but I remember it really well. I kept trying to grab some sort of moral from it, but the only thing I could come up with were "Bad hygiene means huge monetary rewards" or "Marry Mark Witzig."
Posted by: Sam at March 14, 2005 8:30 PMand just to clarify myself, Mark's hygene was the best. .... and my statement still stands.
Posted by: Sam at March 14, 2005 10:12 PMWhen will you get over this creepy obsession with mark Witzig? I'm all for creepy obsessions, but chose someone a little more charismatic, eh?
Posted by: brandon o at March 14, 2005 10:26 PMLike Eric Wood. Remember him. He looked like a tree elf. And he had that tree-elf of a twin sister.
Posted by: John at March 15, 2005 10:31 AMHer name was Jacky. And their father is the creepiest man alive. He drives a van with a fiberglass top if you'd like to know...... got fired as a janitor from UWP
And his kids came to work with him if you'd like to know...... has the ugliest 'lover' I've ever seen in my life too
They call him Woody, btw
Posted by: thomas at March 15, 2005 11:36 AMYes, you should be obsessed with Eric, Sam, because I can actually hook you up. He and his sister frequent the avalon, which, by the way, I only have 16 days left at.
Posted by: brandon o at March 17, 2005 8:46 AMHa
Ha... you ended with a preposition - how sophomoroic!
Bah
Posted by: thomas at March 17, 2005 8:57 AMat least I'm still in school
Posted by: brandon o at March 17, 2005 11:38 AMYes... You are indeed. Can't really retort to that one. Sorry
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